She looked out the pale blue window into the first snow of the season. The light flakes danced their way around in the air and floated into clumps on the ground. She took a deep breath and rubbed her eye. Making her way to the grey kitchen she poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down at the table sitting directly across from her. She seemed to be everywhere now, she seemed relaxed holding the newspaper out infront of her face not really reading the words but piercing through the paper at the other girl. No words were spoken, as they seldem were. She got up and put the cup in the sink only to find herself staring out the window again. She turned to look at her but she was gone. The paper was thrown across the table and she knew it was happening again.
She followed the same path she took every morning into the bathroom where the walls were lined with floral wallpaper and everything seemed to be perfectly organized. She filled the bath tub and looked into the water, she was staring back at her in the reflection. She shook her head and she disappeared. It happened a lot now adays. She took the two steps to the medicine cabinet and opened it to reveal the many medicine bottles that were labled with her name. She opened every individual one and took a pill out of it and made it travel from her finger tips to her lips and down her throat. She took a look in the mirror and thought she saw her again, but it wasn’t.
She peeled the loose fitting clothing off of her tiny body and slipped into the white stained bath tub. She completely immersed into the water and tried to relax before another plain day took place.
She got out and dried off her transparent skin with a too big towel, and made her way to her quiet room. After she got dressed there was a knock at the door, it was her long time best friend Joel.
They sat at the table and he looked at her with endeering eyes and took one of her hands. “Elise, I think that you need to go back to the clinic…” his words trailed off but they seemed caring.
She looked at him with almost anger in her eyes, “I’m not going back there! She’s not coming back, I swear. Please don’t make me go back there.” Now a single tear dripped down her boney cheek.
“You aren’t eating again, and I think there’s more than what you’re telling me Elise. Have you been seeing her again? Just tell me that, I want to help you.” He wanted to pull her in tight just like he used to before she started to get sick.
“She’s not coming back, I’ve been good, I’ve been taking all my medicine, I swear.” She was almost pleading with him now. “Don’t you want me to be happy? You’re only going to help me if you don’t send me back there.” She sat back and pulled her hand away from him. She was always acting so childish with him, like she was his own child.
He got up and pushed his chair in making a screetching noise that seemed to upset her. “DONT DO THAT.” The words came out of Elise’s mouth before she could restrain them, “I’m sorry,” came next.
“See you aren’t acting like yourself, please just come with me, they want to help you Elise.” Now he was pleading with her.
She got up to stand infront of him. “Okay, but I’m not staying they can tell me all they want but I know what I’m doing and I’m just going to show you.”
They pulled on their hats and scarves and made their way out into the barking cold. They climbed into Joel’s jeep and made their way through the snow to the clinic. On the outside it seemed like just another building, but as they walked in their noses filled with the smell of rubbing alcohol and the beeps from the machines were rhythmic.
Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind images
You sang me spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes clever trick
Well i’d never want to see you unhappy
I thought you’d want the same for me
Goodbye my almost lover
Goodbye my hopeless dream
I’m trying not to think about you
Can’t you just let me be?
So long my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should’ve known you’d bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
I’ll be the first to admitt that I’ve done several things in my life that I’m not proud of. From the few guys that I’ve slept with that I wish I could take back to those who I’ve let steal my heart. I’m not taking the easy way out. I look at my problems in the past right now and I realize that I need to reflect on them and move on because I can’t be perfect no matter how much people expect me to be.
Everyone keeps telling me that I need to do something for myself and stop worrying about love all the time. I can’t help it, I’m addicted to the feeling of love and the feelings of attraction. I’m constantly trying to impress everyone and in the long run I feel like shit because I know I can’t. And I can’t trust anyone either and it sucks that I don’t have that feeling where I can just tell someone all my secrets.
Recently everyone’s been trying to fight me just because I have my opinions of people and I talk freely about them. If you don’t want me to say mean things about you then don’t be an idiot. People are just afraid of who they are and don’t want to accept their faults. Can’t they just realize that everyone is going to talk about them? At least I’m not a pussy and I actually talk about them to their face.